Terrible Fucking Songs

If you're on facebook, you've probably seen some asshole like me participating in the 30 Day Song Challenge thing. It's vaguely amusing, and an excellent chance to post songs no one will listen to, so I hopped on board about a week ago. When I reached the second day, which asks to narrow down the myriad of songs I hate to a single representative, there wasn't a moment's hesitation. This song is like a lightning rod for my storm of hatred:

Natasha Bedingfield sucks. No, more like "suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkssss". Just a particularly putrid example of modern pop music. Of course, after posting that, I couldn't help but unleash the list. Since I started working in Key Food back in 2005, I've been slowly cataloging all the songs I've grown to hate through constant exposure in the work environment. Take a look:
Marc Anthony - You Sang To Me
The Mamas And Papas - California Dreamin'
Donovan - Sunshine Superman
Phil Collins - In The Air Tonight
Enya - Sail Away
...Depeche Mode - Wrong
Gwen Stefani - Hollaback Girl
LFO - Summer Girls
Carrie Underwood - Just A Dream
Ida Maria - I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked
Jamie Foxx - Blame It On The Alcohol
Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm
The Ting Tings - Shut Up And Let Me Go
Stereo Total - I Love You Ono
Sweet - Little Willy
Three Dog Night - One
Hoobastank - The Reason
Lisa Stansfield - Around The World
Ryan Cabrera - True
Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten
Jars Of Clay - Flood
Seether - Careless Whisper (Wham! cover)
The Bee Gees - Tragedy
...Peter Cetera - Glory Of Love
Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone
Kelly Clarkson - Undo It
Stacey Q - Two Of Hearts
Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love
Rob Thomas - This Is How A Heart Breaks
Clay Aiken - Invisible
Human League - (Keep Feeling) Fascination
Leann Rimes - Can't Fight The Moonlight
Frankie Valle & The Four Seasons - Who Loves You
Vanessa Williams - Sometimes The Sun Goes Round The Moon
George Harrison - Got My Mind Set On You
David Cook - Permanent
Katy Perry - California Girlz
Katy Perry - Firework
...Katy Perry - Teenage Dream
Tal Bachman - She's So High
Trace Adkins - Honky Tonk Badonkadonk
Trailer Choir - Rockin' The Beer Gut
Sugarland - Stuck Like Glue
Alanis Morissette - Hand In My Pocket
Eminem - Not Afraid
Soulja Boi - She Got A Donk
Vanessa Williams - Save The Best For Last
Fergie - Fergalicious
Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry
One Republic - All The Right Moves
Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
Justin Timberlake & One Republic - Apologize
No Doubt - Don't Speak
Orianthi - According To You
Paula Cole - I Don't Want To Wait
Glenn Frey - The Heat Is On
Don Henley - Dirty Laundry
Nickelback - This Afternoon

Also: 50th post. Whoooo!

Indian Summer - s/t

Note: this has only been an emo-heavy month because I've been so lazy, not because I'm wallowing in self-pity and introspection. I'm actually doing purty swell emotionally, fyi. Most of these bands' sounds, however, have been permanently etched into my brain through prolonged exposure in high school, so it doesn't take me much effort to describe them or how they impact me. Fuck yeah, truckin' on through the apathy.

Indian Summer were a super-influential second wave emo band from Oakland, California who somehow made a major impact on the "genre" despite existing for virtually no time at all. The band never really toured, performed for less than a year, and only released 9 scattered tracks in really low quantities (hence the "collector prices" abounding). I guess it could be testament to how self-contained the scene was at the time, or how eager the kids were to seek out this kind of band, but it's really just the hindsight that blows my mind. If a band this low-scale could be so affecting, why have so few bands blown minds recently with the advent of the interbutt? Well... maybe they have, actually. It's probably hard for me to notice since I essentially grew up with it's reinvention of information sharing. Regardless, Indian Summer are now considered a staple band who can be name dropped amongst bands like Rites Of Spring, Moss Icon, and Sunny Day Real Estate, and it's baffling to think little they really did in a physical sense.
While the emo scene was already getting pretty dynamics-centric, and crescendos were a device for emotional payoff at the end of slow build-ups, Indian Summer's careening between twinkly, soft, guitar parts and loud, cathartic bursts was definitely a step up on both fronts. This self-titled EP from '93 is easily the band's most essential document, and contains my (and admittedly, a lot people's) two favorite songs. The opener, "Aren't You Angel", is one, and showcases especially well the exaggerated dynamics the band utilized. The song starts off quietly with whispers and a dark bassline before bursting into a crushingly blunt, driving, angular riff. Mid-song, the band begins to stutter the central riff with pauses of barely audible picking before stopping completely. The song restarts at the same super-delicate sound before finally delivering a big, gripping crescendo with a melody that makes you soil yourself super gross.
That last part was self-sabotage. Isn't it a BLAST to slog through descriptions of song structure? WHEEEEE!!!!

The shorter "Millimeter" is mostly centered on the angular, post-hardcore simplicity that dominates the first half of "Aren't You Angel", and is a great track despite living a "hard knock life" ie being sandwiched between their two most developed songs. The EP closes with "Angry Son", which is easily the band's most revered track, and often gets referred to as the essential emo song. It really is, though. It's still one of the most powerful songs I've ever heard, and often times it gets my eyes watering like a sissy*. It starts off with a quiet, lo-fidelity clip of some vocal jazz song before coming in slowly with an extremely pretty and soothing little riff that sounded incredibly nostalgic even the first time I heard it. When the whispering and twinkling finally break through into the heaviness, it's really moving. From there, the song resumes the first quiet riff as the vocalist softly speaks, this time accompanied by additional twinkly bits before finally exploding into an upgrade of the first instance of loud-dynamic complete with screaming and tears leaking out of your headphones. When I'd walk through the halls with this song playing, I always imagined all the lockers bursting open whenever the crescendo hit, and being surrounded by loose papers floating through the air. I know it's dumb, shut up. The song ends pretty much how it began, with the old record playing quietly. It's just an incredible song, and had/has a real effect on me, before and after discovering the lyrics.
You pretty much require this if you have any interest in emo before it got bastardized.

(I'll post this later)

For some reason, there was a text document with this list in it on one of my old zip drives. If you're interested, it's a list of the emo songs I thought would make a perfect introduction to the uninitiated back in the day.
In no particular order:

1.) Rites Of Spring - For Want Of
2.) Indian Summer - Angry Son
3.) Moss Icon - As Afterwards The Words Still Ring
4.) Don Martin Three - Connection
5.) Native Nod - Tangled
6.) Cap'n Jazz - Basil's Kite
7.) Constatine Sankathi - I'm An Android
8.) Republic Of Freedom Fighters - Calypso Syngenor Method
9.) Embrace - Dance Of Days
10.) Reach Out - Wall Street
11.) Honeywell - You And Me
12.) The Hated - Two People Blue
13.) Merel - The Guest
14.) Dag Nasty - Circles
15.) Sunny Day Real Estate - Song About An Angel
16.) Christie Front Drive - Turned On 8

*LOL @ a generalized put down of non-masculine men through self-deprecation

Rudimentary Peni - s/t

If you're familiar with any of the stereotypes associated with young death metal/grind/extreme music listeners, you have a pretty solid vision of me as a 9th & 10th grader. If not, imagine a paste white, poorly groomed kid with long hair that didn't make much eye contact, wore plaid longsleeves over gross band shirts and pretended not to care what people thought. Around this point, my basic criteria a band had to meet was to a.) tune their guitars to drop D, b.) vocalize in an utterly incoherent manner, c.) percuss like the drummer and his/her respective kit were tumbling down a flight of stairs, and d.) play either really, really fast or really, really slow. Somewhere along the lines, though, I "softened" my stance and learned to love crust punk and powerviolence, too. I noted them worthy for their similarly dumb-as-a-hammer approach to dynamics and rhythm, and unbeknown to me at the time, kicked off my obsession with punk rock.

Rudimentary Peni were one of those bands, and helped me bridge the gap between the "heavy-osity" of the crust punk scene and the anarcho scene they drew their sound from. Finding physical copies of their stuff proved impossible, so I hopped on the internet express to pirate-ville, and acquired The EPs Of RP, as well as their first LP, Death Church, and their over-the-top masterpiece, Cacophony. Their self-titled debut (aka Teenage Time Killer) chillin' in the left corner was my entry point since I have a built-in a mandate regarding chronology, and as such, became one of my favorites through heavy exposure.

The music here really isn't quite different from what the glut of British anarcho units were performing at the time, but even with the distorted, simple chord progressions and boom-chick drums, something rubbed me the wrong way when I first heard this. Coming from a musical background of extremes, with almost every element aurally scrawled in industrial sized sharpie, there was something really foreign about the band's sound. While the riffs are relatively straight forward, there's just something particularly ugly sounding about them, which if I'd have to guess, is attributable to the way they're played. I'm not Mr. KnowsShitAboutPlayingMusic, so I can't really elaborate, but there's definitely a seasick feeling in the delivery, as well as punctuations of feedback, scraping, and whatever else. Moreover, vocalist and cover artist Nick Blinko's vocals are nothing like the steady, shouted slur prominent in anarcho, but vary between two equally unusual modes. His screams sound extremely uneasy, almost as if he performed them while suffering hypothermia or something, with a harrowing, shakey, almost too urgent and high pitched delivery. On the other end, his low-register, slower deliveries sound sickly and drunken.

The great thing about being at an age where you're convinced that the key to the kingdom relies in the development of your musical eccentricities is this: you'll never be more patient with bands than you were when your persona supposedly rested upon it. This isn't to say I only listened to this shit out of image - I really, really enjoyed all of it - but when you finally land yourself an identity, compromise is hard to imagine. As such, through consistent exposure, I found myself giving in to Rudimentary Peni's idiosyncratic sound, and soon became a huge fan, sporting a smelly Farce t-shirt and a load of patches. This EP is short and sweet, delivering 12 short, catchy, and subtly weird tracks in record time. As I stated/implied earlier, it's pretty straightforward, especially in contrast to the ridiculousness of their second LP, Cacophony, but hey, this was released in '81. A band that pushed the envelope at a time where there barely even was a scene to feed off is something to celebrate.
Czech it out:

(I'll post this later since I'm in the library)

Also, the clitoris is the Rudimentary Peni(s).

Assorted Jelly Beans - s/t

Before I begin, I must make clear that by sharing this album is not an attempt to convert you to an Assorted Jelly Beans fan, but simply a fan of this album. This is because everything else these guys ever recorded is terrible.
Here's a brief interaction with Mitch Clem on his now deceased forum:
Mitch: Assorted Jelly Beans first album is great; hornless ska-punk that sounds like the Beastie Boys playing Operation Ivy.
Me: Is anything else they did any good? I really love that album
Mitch: NO. Everything else they did sounds like an experiment to see how shitty a band could become before imploding
Me: oh.
I later tossed away this sagely advice in favor of forming my own opinion on the band's remaining catalog, and honestly, I'm probably worse for it. Y'know the age old phrase "ska-punk bands shouldn't attempt to hybridize with hip-hop"? Alright.
So anyway, Assorted Jelly Beans were an awesome ska-punk/ska-core/third wave 3-piece from California who did indeed sound similar to "the Beastie Boys play[ing] Operation Ivy". Their self-titled album was the first release from a few members of The Vandals' label - Kung Fu Records - in '96. Apparently, this actually sold 25K copies upon release, which seems fucking bizarre to me considering how little commercial potential these guys had. I guess it was the golden age of ska-punk, though... not that this would've appealed to a lot of Christian teens what with the cussin' and drug references.
That was my hilarious sweeping generalization of all Christian teens.
...but let me elaborate on the fact that I followed up a declaration of disdain for their later, more hip-hop-influenced material with a reiteration that they sound like a hip-hop group playing ska: it's the snotty, dual white kid vocalists that draw the parallel, not the music, exactly. I've never been a big Beastie Boys fan, but Assorted Jelly Beans' approximation of their sarcastic, self-parodying smart-assery elevates this disc way above what it would be with a more standard punk dude on the mic, and I definitely don't mean to belittle the riffage present. It's just that the vocals just sound so secure and confident in their ridiculousness that I can't help but love them. The songs are tight as hell, catchy, non-generic, and completely non-cheesy, making this one of the very few ska-punk albums I can listen to when I'm not in a skankin' mood aka close to accepting Skankin' Pickle as anything less than "dorky bullshit". I'm not sure I could pick stand outs, since every track is excellent, but "Braindead", "In Our Eyes", "Punk Rock Jock", and "Doobage" are likely my favorites of the bunch.
CHECK OUT THE PROFUNDITY:

"MY LIFE REVOLVES A-ROUND
BUYING AN OUNCE OR P-P-P-P-P-P-POUND"

This stuff truly heals the battered soul.

http://www.mediafire.com/?3ggkbmuyxy2

Noothgrush - Erode The Person

I know I said I wouldn't do this again, but well, here's another post rescued from my old dumpster fire of a blog. Sometimes you post personal account of albums like they're going out of style, and sometimes you dawdle like stigmata's hindering your typing abilities. To be honest, this month is more like middling than that, but whatever, here's a re-post:

"Noothgrush were a Californian sludge-doom band who formed in 1994 and according to research from the finest institutes on the East coast, phuckin' rawked. If you've ever been subject to the filthy, druggy, frowning antics of sludge Machiavellis Eyehategod, you've essentially heard a less contemplative version of Noothgrush with far fewer odysseys into uptempo punk rock riffage. Despite treading through a bunch of rubble (ie 'broken ground' hurrrr...), these guys did a damn good job of taking a relatively limited style, honing it into something fresh and powerful, and then releasing it to the blessed in ridiculously limited quantities.
Erode The Person is 5 tracks of king-tier sludge truckin' it like molasses through the fog of the distinctive New Orleans sound (ie ugly, plodding, drug-influenced punk-ish doom metal with raspy screams and southern tinged riffage) in a way I'd rate above even the primordial soup of Buzzov*en and 13.
But not Grief. Those dudes are a forkin' goldmine to themselves."

Well that was shitty. I think I'd definitely rate it above Buzzov*en, considering people usually have higher opinions of things they like than things they have never really liked. Maybe I was pandering to the Buzzov*en fans? Whatever. This album is really good, though, and the comparisons still stand. It's prime filth-encrusted Black Sabbath-queued sludge that was apparently pretty big in the powerviolence scene during the mid-90's. They're not quite as amelodic and lurching as the sludge breaks you'll find in Man Is The Bastard's work, and definitely have a bit of a southern rock bend to them, but it's thankfully nowhere near as pronounced as it is on garbage like 16. I think you get the idea, though:

http://www.mediafire.com/?iwzzznmn24j

Okay, no more re-posts.

Unless I get desperate. Then it's permissible.

Constatine Sankathi - Who Killed The Killed Kid

LAST TIME ON "UNINTERESTING INTRODUCTORY RANT": Steve revealed to the world with startling aplomb the nature of his shocking new diet - one that could only be described as ovo-lacto vegetarian. The curtness of his reveal sent readers reeling, relationships into turmoil, and made the world step back and rethink their stance on eating the flesh of the innocent. Now the chronicles of this descent into slightly more livestock friendly dietary restrictions continues on today's gripping episode of "Uninteresting Introductory Rant"...

I made a portabella burger today with guacamole and cooked spinach with a side of sauteed tofu and red bell peppers. It was pretty yummy, especially with the white wine and sage, but I feel like the tofu could've used more time to brown. Not a big deal, though.

Constatine Sankathi - and sometimes Sankati Cunstatine, Constatine (Anima) Sankathi, and Constantine Sankathi - were a short lived second wave emo band from Chicago, IL (I think) who existed from the spring of '94 to the summer of '96. Over the course of their brief existence, they were made up of not only 5 central band members, but apparently about 15 or 16 part timers who contributed vocals, instruments, and whatever else. That's what I was able to gather from the lengthy photocopied booklet contained in their discography CD, Fucked In The Head, anyway. I guess it's not a crucial bit of info since they never exactly really go all Pet Sounds on us with a menagerie of instruments, but I thought it was kinda cool that they were such a community-friendly band. The awkwardly heartfelt retrospectives of each band member and contributor contained in the booklet definitely help to back up that idea, too, but I'm way too lazy to start scanning pages. Also, we're not discussing their discography, anyway, just this widdle 3 song 7" in the lefthand corner.

If you didn't guess, Constatine Sankathi were yet another emo band I "dug" (as the youth say) during my transition from the bleak and brutal side of music to the introspective and mopey. Like the best of the lot, these guys had an idiosyncratic sound few others captured, but still managed to fit snuggly under the emo banner. As you might expect from a band that existed for a little over 2 years, they weren't exactly prolific; Who Killed The Killed Kid is the only other standalone release besides the ridiculously titled Baby Unicorn Tripped Over A Rock And Hurt It's Throat And Then Vomited EP, but accompanied by a split with Bev. Clone and a bunch of compilation tracks (I guess). I know this makes it seem stupid to not just cover their discography CD instead, but really, listening to all 60 minutes in one sitting is pretty fucking exhausting, and come on, what band really intended their music to be digested like that?*

Who Killed The Killed Kid is 3 tracks in a little under 10 minutes, but perfectly sums up what an unusual and interesting sound these guys had. I'm not honestly sure what's supposed to be the A or B side of this EP; one side has a doodle of a bunny on it and the other has a nondescript shape in a black box. I always listened to the side with "I'm An Android" first - side Bunny - so let's assume their lack of punctuality means they didn't really give a shit. This is the track that really got me into these guys: it starts off with feedback murk before someone remembers to start a really, really urgent riff with drums rat-a-tat'ing and what might be one or two different vocalists screeching behind the lead vocal dude. The hook here is really fucking cool, with a trumpet stopping the first riff dead in it's tracks and leading into the chorus. I could keep describing it, I guess, but you may as well just listen to it instead. It's just a really great song, all around. The other two aren't quite as weird or catchy, but they're both just as high quality. "Thanks For The Candy" starts off really aggressive, than goes into this weird lilt with the murmuring trumpet swaying along, concluding in another wave of cathartic aggression. "Husniyah" is structured more like you'd expect a song of this style to be, but with a screaming, punchy, chorus-esque part in the middle that eventually leads back to the clean guitars it opened with. Try it out, then find the rest of their stuff:

http://www.mediafire.com/?ym308atd2cu68jy

*If you were wondering how they fit an hour of music onto two 7"s and one 4 minute split, well, they didn't. There are eleven tracks on the discography CD that I've never been able to trace to any compilation, so your guess is as good as mine.

Hot Water Music - Finding The Rhythms

Y'see, like an unhealthy amount of emo-oriented stuff I write about, this album was a recommendation straight from Andy Radin's fourfa.com page. I realize how limited that makes my scope of the "genre" seem, but to rebut any potential criticism (or snarkiness), I've spent well over a year slogging through a literal fuckton of emo bands NOT mentioned on his site - everywhere from Turnip, Sweater Weather, Closure, Fingerprint, Agna Moraine's Autobiography, and Owltian Mia to a zillion others - and trust me, the stuff he points out is indeed the cream of the crop. There's definitely a mass of bands that I'd rate just as highly that he doesn't touch upon, but really, you couldn't get a much better introduction than Radin's site.
Speaking of sentences conveying information, there's pretty much no way you're unfamiliar with Hot Water Music if you're reading this blog right now. Hell, even if you've never heard a single HWM song, you've still undoubtedly encountered a band or six who draw heavily upon their sound. If I had to make a list of the most influential post-hardcore units of all time (ie the groups that spawned the most imitators), these guys would sit comfortably amongst groups like the most revered of the SST Records stall, Fugazi, Naked Raygun, Quicksand, Sunny Day Real Estate, and the band with most belated explosion of mimics, Cap'n Jazz. Look up the hilarious new term, "twinkle daddies" for elaboration on that last one, by the way.
For all the uninitiated:
Hot Water Music are a four piece from Gainesville, FL who formed in '93, broke up in '96, reformed the next year, persisted 'til '06, broke up again, and came back again in '08. I think it's safe to say that when they finally break up for good, the impact might take a few years to finally hit us. The band's sound consists of dual gruff vocalists weaving in an out of each others' shouted declarations with juxtaposing tones (even lyrics, occasionally) against a backdrop of busy percussion, really warm and pretty basslines, and crunchy, melodic, and sometimes dissonant guitar interplay. They're probably most revered for their presence amongst the early 90's emocore bands, but have influenced tons and tons of pop-punk and post-hardcore bands, too.
Also, they've been officially knighted by the punknews crew.

Finding The Rhythms is the first LP length release by the band, and is a mash-up of their Eating The Filler 7", the split with Swivel Stick, a few compilation songs, and what I believe were 6 newly recorded tracks (tracks 1,2,4,5,6,7). I could be wrong about some of that, but whatever. Oh, and for clarity, it's the 12 track CD version I'm talking about, not the 10 track original LP version. It's also the first "album" by the band that I checked out, and for the most part, still contains my favorite songs they ever wrote. Just listen to tracks like "The Passing", the amazing "Counting Numbers" and "Practice In Blue", the more traditional pop-punkiness of "Floor", and the anthemic power of the 6+ minutes "Eating The Filler". As testament to how consistently great of a compilation this is, it actually seems more relevant to point out the few flaws it has than try to pick highlights. For example, while "Incisions" is a really great song, it's unfortunately vocally led by bassist Jason Black. While Black is probably the single band member who completely sells their sound for me with his incredible basslines, his singing voice is pretty goddamn bad. I know it's funny to criticize someone in this band's singing voice when both leads are almost totally incoherent, but his clean, whiny warble really doesn't do it for me. "Present" is the only song on here that could've been completely cut, since when it's not meandering, it sounds way too "tuff" and boring, especially in the wake of "Recliner". Other than that, I've always felt "Arms Can't Stretch" was a little too long for how few parts it contains, but it's by no means a bad song.
Check out this awesome clip of "Floor" from '95:

Way too many people bypass this collection for their later, more revered work, but if you're a fan of this band, or even just curious about all the hype, you absolutely need this. It's not perfect, but the best songs on here more than make up for any flaws. If you're a newcomer, follow this up with Fuel For The Hate Game and No Division, which are both equally great full lengths.

Suppression - Degradation/Elimination Of The Robot Swine-Pig

I'm fucking exhausted. Managing the entire produce department alone can go eat a dick. If I haven't mentioned this yet, come June, I'm gonna quit my job and head out across the country on a bike, again. I attempted it last year, but amazingly, the poor planning didn't quite coalesce with the overall hardship as well as I'd hoped. I bring this up primarily because it'll signify a lengthy break for this blog; one that'll likely last 2 or 3 months. Just thought I'd mention it to whoever reads this.

Anyway, Suppression.

Back in high school when I first discovered powerviolence, instead of doing research on the genre's progenitors or asking around for suggestions, I pretty much just grabbed a bunch of band names I remembered reading on the Underground Obituary forum and let the downloads roll in. Fortunately, this approach paid off in spades, as I not only happened upon most of the classics (Man Is The Bastard, Capitalist Casualties, Crossed Out, Dropdead) but also got closely acquainted with a bunch of considerably more obscure bands (Gasp, Quattro Stagioni, Stapled Shut, MK-Ultra) as well as some complete shit (Sylvester Staline, Rainbow Of Death, Apathetic Ronald McDonald, Graf Orlock... who aren't PV, but I checked them out thinking they were. Kinda like finding owl droppings as your Cracker Jack prize). Suppression fall into the middle category, apparently, even though they played right at PV's high point. Just check out their last.fm as an example - only a little over 15 hundred listeners. I realize that's far from an accurate core sample of their fanbase, but it's still really dinky for a band that's been around for 2 decades. Maybe all their true fans just spin their vinyl still.
So alright, now that we have that bunch of uninteresting bullshit assembled, let's move on. For the first half of their career, Suppression played powerviolence the old fashion way - really raw, roughly produced, and dissonant hardcore punk-esque music that alternated between completely caustic, hyperspeed bursts of energy and filthy sounding sludge, all augmented in general unpleasantness by Man Is The Bastard-esque noise interludes. If you're unfamiliar with what might be termed "new fashion" PV (as opposed to what Suppression play), then think of bands like Charles Bronson, Combatwoundveteran, or the later Spazz albums - still intense as hell but lacking that scummy rawness that made the bands seem like a bunch of lowlifes or druggies or something. Well, I guess Infest might resent that, but I mean it in an endearing way, of course.
Degradation/Elimination Of The Robot Swine-Pig is actually a split 12" with Italy's crust-grinders, Cripple Bastards, and is the longest thing these guys would release before abandoning PV altogether. Regardless, this puppy clocks in at only 17 minutes, but it's an insane 17 minutes - ultra noisy, uncompromising, feedback-laden, and recorded in that special way that makes everything sound like it's barely under control and about to burst. Awesome stuff.

http://www.mediafire.com/?2dps698sk3gsuki

I know I didn't really do them justice here, but this is the full release, containing all 23 Cripple Bastards tracks. I think they're all rough versions of songs from their first album, Your Lies In Check, but it's been a while since I've heard either release. Frankly, grindcore doesn't move me quite the way it used to, but fortunately powerviolence still kicks my ass. If you dig 'em both, this is an essential download.

ADDENDUM: I forgot to add this before - Suppression is still active today, but they're nothing like the band you'll hear on this split. They're just kind of a jokey noisecore band now without any of the aggression that made them so great. If you're interested in more primo cuts, pick up the 9296 CD here. It's got this as well as all their EPs, splits, and some bonus tracks.

Paint It Black/Punch/Iron Chic/Vaccine/Zombie Dogs Show

I think I mentioned this show a few posts back, but if I didn't, here goes.
A few weeks ago, fellow staff dudes Sean and Jack noted on facebook that they were attending a show in Brooklyn headlined by Paint It Black. Seeing as NYC is about as far as I'm typically capable of traveling on a loaded school & work schedule, I made an exaggerated "ooo!" face and made my way to the show's page to check it out. I'm a fan of Paint It Black, and I really like Iron Chic, but the fact that Punch was finally playing another show in the area was what sold me, especially since I fucked up 2 opportunities to see them in just the past year. Ever since the heroic and totally missed Bammy Rabbit (or Tabitha) of the "Kamikaze Tailspin" blog introduced me to Punch through a conversation on last.fm, I've given them a pretty regular spin. They're probably my favorite current hardcore band, and Bammy's description of their live show (as well as the ridiculous distance she traveled to see them on their s/t LP's launch gig) had me convinced there was necessity in hearing them in person.
Unfortunately, I slacked a bit and didn't watch for the tickets to go on sale EVERY GODDAMN SECOND and they sold out almost instantly. I guess it had to do with Paint It Black barely ever playing or something. I dunno. I responded to one girl's offer, but then she started a bidding war and the price bloated up from 12 bucks to 60. In a last ditch effort, I-
You know what? Who cares?

1.) Zombie Dogs
Alright, so the show opened with Zombie Dogs, a local all-girl hardcore band I'd never heard before. They put on a decent show despite how few people in the audience seemed to be familiar with them, but all I kept thinking was "This band sounds like a 45 played on 33". Well, maybe their condition isn't that extreme, but the correlation certainly wasn't irrelevant, especially when I listened to the recorded versions afterward. The four are pretty obviously influenced by classic 80's hardcore - and who could hold it against them? - but I feel like I'd really dig them if they'd approximate the reckless abandon of their influences.
Check 'em out:

http://www.myspace.com/zombiedogsnyc

2.) Vaccine
Didn't show up. Frownie emoticon. They're really good, though, so that implied frownie emoticon is legit as they come. They're made up of members of Think I Care, Ampere, and a couple others and play that ripping brand of straight edge powerviolence only someone with a heart of stone couldn't love. Also: almost every living being. It's easy to forget how extreme music dances on the fringe. They've got a great demo out, as well as an EP I haven't heard, and apparently a 5" in the works. 5" records are hilarious.

http://www.vaccinexxx.blogspot.com/

3.) Iron Chic
Sean just reviewed these guys a few weeks back, which you can check out here.
Iron Chic is one of the jillion post-Latterman bands, and probably my second favorite following the incredible RVIVR. Also, they apparently boot many an ass in a live setting, and within seconds threw half the audience into a screaming, flailing, trance. It's bands like this that really require the listener to get the lyrics down, because there's really nothing more cathartic and energizing than screaming every word with the vocalists and audience melding into one gigantic chorus. Even though it got lost under the screaming sometimes, they were extremely tight, and the instrument-less vocalist (pictured above) had an hilarious stage presence, looking like he was rolling on E or something, with his fingers curling through his hair as he swayed back and fourth. Awesome.

http://www.myspace.com/ironchicsmyspace

4.) Punch
Punch were easily the highlight for me, completely justifying the past year's struggles. The singer, Meghan, humbly introduced the band, feedback rose, and the band's brand of ass-tearing edge-violence exploded without another word. Admittedly, I probably thrashed around a bit too much for the current, Winter-induced patheticness of my physical being to handle, but hey, sometimes sacrifices must be made for punk rawk. I guess it goes without saying that the band completely floored me, but, well, there it is. Being a pretty proficient not-musician, I've always been amazed to witness a band perfectly replicate the inhuman speed, aggression, and tightness they display on record, and Punch did just that. If you're a fan of these guys and haven't seen them in the flesh yet, I highly recommend paying way too much for a secondhand ticket at the last second. Probably the most fun I had since the Capitalist Casualties performance at last year's Maryland Deathfest where this monster truck of a man picked me up and threw me into a bunch of crusty girls. Good times.

http://www.myspace.com/punchcrew

5.) Paint It Black
To be honest, before this show, I probably hadn't listened to Paint It Black in over a year. At the tail end of high school, I went into a super heavy Lifetime/Kid Dynamite/Paint It Black/New Mexican Disaster Squad melodic hardcore phase, reveling primarily in the fact that they all sounded like somewhat different incarnations of the same band (topically, not dissimilar to the post-Latterman family I mentioned earlier). Due to the time spent apart, I can't say they were quite the release Punch and Iron Chic were, but they put on a great show nonetheless, with the highlights of course, being the small handful of songs I could actually recall the lyrics to. Bonus points go to the vocalist for his introductory rant about "bro shit" like feet first stage diving and whirling dervish moshing being exclusionary and "no longer part of this scene." A few points get knocked off because he made me feel bad about losing my shit to Punch and I'm a vindictive jerk.

http://www.myspace.com/paintitblack

All in all, an incredible show I'm glad I shelled out for. Unfortunately, me, Jack, and his friend Mike came home (back to Jack's dorm) to a drunken pit of screaming, glass-breaking, cacophony that wouldn't let up til 4 AM - arguably not the best conditions to fall asleep to.
Apparently Hoboken celebrates St. Patrick's Day 12 days early?